You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
