Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
