I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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