Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
