Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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