the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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