My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
