Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
