Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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