his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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