anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
