doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize