6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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