If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I forget how to act sober
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
