Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
