I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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