Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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