when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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