Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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