I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
