i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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