I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My sheets look like a crime scene.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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