you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
