It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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