I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
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i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
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My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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