like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
