I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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