Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
