Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize