I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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