Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He shit in the fireplace
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
