Can Purell be used as lube?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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