there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
