whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
