you inspire me to be a worse person
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
