Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
