She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
