Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
