my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
