'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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