thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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