I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
