Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
