Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
