I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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