I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
