mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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