Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
