I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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