our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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