The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
