We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
