so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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