Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize