if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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