Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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