thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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