Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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