You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
