just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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