Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
