god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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