Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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