His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
