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I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We got so high we made milksteak
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
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