I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
