think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
