I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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