i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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