OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
