I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
