I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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