Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
