NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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