i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I need a burrito and a hug.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
