I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
