Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
two words...techno handjob
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
