Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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